Sleepless Nights
by CCougar42709
Summary: Cabbie can't sleep. Two-Shot.
1. Robbie

(A/N: Hi everyone! I know I'm not done with Savior, but this inspiration hit me and it was too good to withhold! Hope you like it! It will be a two-shot Cabbie.)

Robbie POV

Boom.

_I don't know. I just don't know._

I wish I did. What I do know is depressing. Really depressing. Which is why I keep going to that psychologist Cat mentioned in passing last year.

Sorry, off topic. What I was referring to is everything around me is beyond suckish right now. Must be this weather getting to me, I guess. Or my pearPod. It played sad love song after another while I worked on my homework from 9 to midnight.

I know I'm not a cute or hot guy. Sure, I get comparisons to the guy on SNL all the time. But that's not a good thing. It's not like people talk about Andy Samberg like they drool over Josh Hutcherson. And I know that I don't help myself by carrying around a freaking puppet to cover up for my mistakes and social shortcomings.

It bugs me. But at least I have great friends. It's amazing, they can almost convince me to put Rex away when I do something without him and it goes absolutely amazingly.

But one thought brings me back to earth and absolutely buries me.

I think I'm in love with Cat.

I'm almost positive I am. I wanted to be around her constantly before Christmas and she loved my cotton candy gift and kissed my cheek. She always was the one I texted first when I got some news, good or bad.

I rely on her, which is dangerous. Not only because she's well…Cat. I can't imagine what would happen if you remove her from my life. If I had to guess, it would be like a stack of Jenga blocks. Take out the most important one (Cat) and it all collapses.

But god I love her so so much. She makes me do so many stupid things just for her. Like play along those childish games she loves for reasons unknown, or break my veganism for her not to feel alone eating tacos.

Or my "Wanna make out?" mistake that she laughed off, or bounced off and hasn't mentioned since.

Part of me is happy she dropped it. She could have taken a step away from me and our friendship. Nope, she is right where she was when I messed up and said that.

The other part of me…wants something to happen. This can't go on forever. Her asking why I asked to make out with her would have forced the issue, and things would be different.

How? I…I don't know.

Thing is, I'm not sure I can love Cat like she deserves to be loved.

That's the only real effect my parents divorce has had. Other than that, I've been able to focus on school and…Cat.

But with them constantly yelling and bringing out the worst in each other, along with me comparing those aspects in me gets me worried. I do have a temper, and a breaking point. I can't play this game with her forever. Plus I'm probably not good enough of a person for her.

She's an angel. Which makes it amazing she doesn't have a boyfriend by now. There's basically nothing wrong with her. Yeah, she's a little immature, but that is the result of a amazingly positive outlook on life.

As opposed to me, who's the grey cloud of our little group of Tori, Beck, Jade, Cat, Andre and me.

On top of that, she's got the looks of a model. Absolutely gorgeous. All the pictures of her by herself she simply radiates. A easy smile that isn't striking, eyes shining and a face that's happy and memorable.

One of the things that bugs me the most is that the pictures of just the two of us…she's not that Cat.

Yeah…she's Caterina Valentine. It's not like she looks like a different person. But it's not the Cat I just told you about. Her eyes aren't shining, and her smile seems different from her smiles when she's with everyone else, or by herself.

I hope I'm not holding her back. If she wants me to go away…I don't know what I'll do. I know I'll try to drag myself out of the picture, despite my feelings to the contrary. I want what's best for her. I just hope that I'm wrong.

I don't think I am.

I'm not exactly a stellar person. It looks like it, but my flaws negate any positive traits. And everything I have to offer can be offered by someone much more attractive than me.

Someone deserving of her looks. That beautiful smile I never share with her.

It breaks my heart, that smile.

Over my desk I have a picture of Cat and I from after one of the plays last year. I look better than normal, and Cat's…the Cat I always get in the pictures.

A few months back, on a day I clearly wasn't thinking, I grabbed a picture she took from her slap page of her posing for a photo shoot and stuck it next to an extra copy of the pic of us after the play on a piece of paper. It's in my desk, left side. Next to the piece of paper that has what I wrote in her yearbook last year.

"_Cat, thanks for being such an amazing girl. Never change sweetheart. –Robbie"_

I planned for weeks to write that, expecting her to say something to me, leading to us falling in love. Sounds dumb I know.

But nothing happened. Big surprise. Just the smile I never get to keep and a "See you this summer."

And she was gone until the first day this year.

_Boom._

I hope this thunderstorm doesn't knock out the power. I haven't figured out how to set the alarm on my pearPhone. And I don't want to miss a minute of time I could have with Cat.

I haven't been with her outside of school since the "make out" mistake.

Now that is something that if I could stop worrying about the other stuff, would be cause for real concern.

Maybe our schedules aren't clicking right now. I hope that's it.

I know I'm repeating myself, but I can't think of another way to put it. I'm just hoping, throwing it against the wall and praying it sticks for the night and I can fall asleep.

But on nights like tonight that I can't sleep, I end up pacing like I am now.

I can see Cat and that picture.

That smile.

The bubbly persona that can't be duplicated.

2:30 AM.

_I gotta lie back down. Try to get to sleep while I can._


	2. Cat

Cat POV

"_Thank you so much for helping with my calculus homework Robbie! You are the greatest ever!"_

"_No problem Cat, it wasn't a big deal. See you tomorrow :)"_

How does he make it look so easy?

It's easier for guys than for girls. That's normal. I mean, girls are usually the chasers, not the ones being chased.

Guys have such an advantage, being all sexy and muscular and irresistible. Not girls. We have to work so hard on being pretty. Usually for hours, doing hair and make up and picking out something cute and stylish.

Guys get to wake up, throw on clothes and they are immediately gorgeous.

It's really not fair.

I just want him to…I don't know exactly. I just know that Robbie Shapiro isn't just another boy to me.

I wish I knew what exactly he is to me. If I knew, I would probably do something. He probably has his mind all made up about me, in some form or fashion.

And I'm here staring at the ceiling, wondering what I think about him.

Just great.

I don't know when this started exactly. I just know that when I was out with Tori and Jade and I saw him with a beautiful blonde girl, I didn't like it.

Of course, Tori and Jade caught onto it. Jade already kind of knew, since she read my diary. But Tori didn't, and she seemed to feel bad for me.

I was too worked up to notice. I felt like crying and screaming at him for doing this to me, but in a weird way, I didn't know why.

It was later when I got home I realized I liked him.

Sometimes I can't hold it in. Like when he got me the cotton candy and Larry for Christmas, I impulsively kissed his cheek. I felt so happy, and I think he liked it, he seemed happier than usual, but he did get a 100 on a test that day.

I don't think it was me.

The boys that like me…don't like me for me. They think my personality is an act. And that really hurts me. Not many people love me for me.

Tori and my friends do…most of the time. But when I get excited and caught up in something, I don't realize it when they shunt me off to the side and let me do my own thing.

That's why Robbie drives me nuts. Other than the fact that he is so nice and cute and soft and huggable.

Sorry, off topic.

He usually is the one who brings me back to the group. Who gets me back into the conversation. Before I know it, things are back to normal.

I don't want to sound like I don't like who I am. I love who I am. I'm Cat. You can't change me. Mommy always told me to be myself, and that the right people will come along.

And that's why Robbie is such a problem. I really need to figure this out.

I have a theory. I think I know how I feel about him. And it scares me.

Truth is, I've never really fallen in love before. I have had boyfriends, but most of them have messed up early on, and it doesn't get that far. Maybe that's partially on me. Maybe I need to be more lenient.

But the thing with Robbie is that he just isn't making mistakes.

I don't mean to sound stalker-ish, but I've seen him with this blonde girl a lot. They are usually at coffee shops and the mall. Most of the time they eat, with a laptop and a couple of notebooks nearby. They work on it together, he gets her a drink, they talk for awhile, he gets her laughing, pays for everything, drops her back at home and goes home himself.

Occasionally he texts me, those are usually the times he makes her cry from laughing so much. I always forget how funny he is.

I hate that I sometimes forget how special he really is. He is so sneaky funny, with jokes tailored towards everybody in the group specifically. When he does it with me he usually brings up some aspect of a time we hung out that I liked. It always works.

It's like magic.

Usually when he texts me after he's done with the blonde it's just to see what's going on and that I'm doing ok. He's always so thoughtful and reliable.

I remember when I had a date go disastrously wrong and I just wanted to get out of there, I made the mistake of sending out a SOS text to everyone in our group.

Robbie was the only one who replied that night. He drove 45 minutes, just to save my night and simply dropped me off at home.

I kissed his cheek that night, but I don't think he remembers that. He probably thinks that was just a sign of my gratitude. Instead, I just couldn't hold it in.

I want to kiss him like that, and more, all the time.

I think I've fallen for him.

And I'm sure he doesn't know.

He never has said anything about my inability to speak sometimes, or how I started curling my hair a little when he said he liked girls wavy hair.

That's when Beck noticed, and by extension, Andre. They always hang out together. It's a minor miracle he doesn't actually know. Both of them encouraged me, like Tori and Jade.

I haven't gone on a date since I noticed that I minded him spending time with another girl not named me. I…I can't bring myself to it.

He literally has never done anything wrong or said anything mean to me. Rex…he's a big meanie. But that's not Robbie.

I hope he just starts leaving Rex at home. Nobody likes him. I hate to be mean, but what's the point of him anyway? Tori said something about a crutch, but I didn't understand that. Robbie's fine.

He's more than fine.

I don't know how long I can keep this up. Me acting like I don't care, when I really do.

The only reason I don't go crazy are the moments I don't think about him. It hasn't been happening much, but when it does…

Robbie who?

It's usually when a boy approaches me somewhere and tries to get me to agree to go out on a date with him. It usually fails, but his boyish charm sticks around until that night, when I realize I forgot about Robbie all day.

He didn't do anything wrong, why did I completely forget him? Is my subconscious trying to say something to me? He deserves so much more than me "loving" him, then discarding him at the sight of a boy that will talk me into dinner.

I…I'm so scared. My worst fear is for me to get him, then to really fall in love with some guy and break his heart.

It scares me so much I've had nightmares about it. Mom and Dad keep running in and asking "What's wrong?" and I have to lie about a nightmare about dying or something, when I just dreamed that Robbie hated me after I broke his heart.

He deserves so much more. He's so talented, with his jokes and people skills and his brain and his singing. He usually doesn't sing for people, but he's done it for me occasionally. It was so beautiful, I cried. He felt bad, even though I tried telling him I loved it.

Guess the tears told him otherwise.

I wish my heart would make up it's mind. Cause my brain loves him. That part of me is all in on Robbie. My brain is smart.

My dumb heart won't let me make a move.

I do want to make a move. Something. I hate this indecision. I just don't want to be scared anymore.

If not for me…for him. He should be able to do what he wants.

He's so amazing. I really can't describe it.

"Cat! You're brother is stuck in the chimney! Can you see why?"

"Kay Kay!"


End file.
